Day Ten of my pandemic isolation. Well, it’s ten days since my Covid symptoms started. I’ve been isolated by the pandemic for ten months actually. I haven’t gathered with my friends or gone to a play or gotten a huge group hug for so long. But today is my final day of forced isolation. Quarantine is for people that are exposed to a disease while Isolation is for those testing positive to the disease to prevent it’s spread.
I started feeling a terrible headache coming on Friday afternoon. I’d scooped a little snow at the office and felt chilled. It kept building and by Saturday morning I felt terrible. I felt so bad that I spent the whole day in bed, barely going downstairs to make some soup in the afternoon. My sweet daughter, Crystal, set soup, snacks and Tylonol and cough drops inside the front door, for me. I felt like my head would explode, and the Tylonol helped a little. I looked up the symptoms of Covid-19 and decided I had most of them, but still couldn’t believe I could have it. I’ve been so careful. I wear double masks at work, although I’d noticed the masks I keep in the car are getting stretched out and should be replaced. I usually wear the N-95 masks and PPE gowns at work, and we take our patients history and temperature before we work on them. But those virus are so small, and I had been out on one last grocery shopping trip.
Sunday I forced myself out of bed to get a Covid Test. It was very easy to schedule and I drove to our fair grounds and did it very quickly. That’s the only time I’ve been anywhere since my symptoms started. The CDC called and interviewed me. They asked if I’d be able to fully isolate. Yes, of course I will. I’ll do what ever it takes to not spread this any further. But will I be able to see my family by Christmas? Will it be safe for them? When can I go back to work? How long will I be contageous? Will I have immunity now?
They are now saying to isolate for ten days after your symptoms appear. I didn’t really think that would be all that difficult. Especially when I was feeling bad. After all, I can still talk on the phone, I can still text and do facebook. But I am a very social person. It’s been harder to be alone than I thought. I’ve watched Hallmark Christmas movies and Netflix for hours on end. I’ve decorated a little more for Christmas. I cut up an old plaid dress and made a couple Christmas stockings. But mostly, I’ve just been home alone.
And now I’m on my tenth day of Covid. My children all tested negative. No one else around me has gotten sick. That makes me thankful. I started symptoms on a day I wasn’t working, so that was good. I may have had a bad enough case that I may have immunity, but we just don’t know everything. The vaccines are starting to be given just this week to medical staff, but do I get one when the time comes? I don’t want to take a vaccine away from someone else that needs it more, if I do have some immunity. But I still want to protect my patients I work on and my family. So many unanswered questions.
This is my first Christmas alone in 45 years and it hits me like a shovel to the face in Home alone! Another Christmas classic I’ve watched this week. Sometimes grief stops you in your tracks and brings you to your knees. Sometimes it seeps into your heart quietly when you hear a special song and realize the meaning in a whole new way. Being alone in the Christmas season is hard. I’ve cried more this year that usual. But I’ve still got hope that I will get to see my kids this year. It will be very different. We may all wear masks and be outside for Christmas. But I’m hoping we can be together. If not, we will try a Zoom Christmas. That’s better than nothing.
One of my dear patients sent me the most beautiful flower arrangement this week. It has green pine boughs and red and white roses and carnations. But the centerpiece is a snow covered cottage with Grandma’s arms reaching out and her son home from the war and grandson running into his outstretched arms. The feelings those little figurines stir are so real. I never had a son in the war, but I know the joy of homecoming. When my grandsons come running to me yelling, ‘Grandma Jenni, Grandma Jenni’ and almost knock me over with their hugs, it brings me such joy.
I have the table set with Christmas china for a meal that may never happen. It’s only five days until Christmas, and yet we still don’t know if we will celebrate together. I have two daughters this year that are six month pregnant, and keeping them safe is more important than any celebration. I have three grandsons whose health matters so much to me. But I long for my home to be filled with laughter and love and all the smells and joy of Christmas. I want to sing Christmas carols and open presents and keep the tradition of our family. This is the first year without Mark, and I just want to be with my loving children and their families.
I’m so thankful my ten days are almost over. I’m so thankful I didn’t have a really bad case and have to be hospitalized. I’m SO thankful no one else got it too. I’m hoping for lots more Christmases in my future. I really want to have Christmas with my family this year. I want my grandsons to run into my open arms and give me the biggest hugs. But I’ll settle for just seeing everyone this year, even if it has to be virtual. I’m happy everyone is healthy. And we all have homes we can be in for Christmas. Like the song says, “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams”
If only in my dreams….
Dental Diva's Blog 