I have to keep saying that because I can’t believe it’s true. It seems like just a month ago they announced their engagement and we had a year to plan. Now here it is, almost time for her Daddy to walk her down the aisle.
I always have said that if we put half the energy into planning our MARRIAGE as we do into planning the WEDDING we’d have a lot less divorces. I didn’t want the dress, the colors, the food to be as important as the two people getting married and how they plan to spend their lives together. But somehow, over the last year, I have turned into the very thing I despise… The dreaded “Mother of the Bride”.
It’s really no wonder we become this way. Practically the first thing another woman will ask you when you say you’re engaged is..”What are your colors?” Not… “What is your fiance like?” or .. “Are you in love?” Even as the Mother of the Bride, the questions I get are “Who is your caterer?” or “Where is the venue?”.. not.. “Are you happy they’re getting married?”
We were determined not to fall into the commercialized wedding traps…”But you MUST do it this way!” We visualized a serene summer scene with family and loved ones surrounding us. People sipping lemonade out of mason jars and enjoying an old fashioned dinner under the shade of the trees. Everyone pitching in and it just coming together with so little effort. As the guest list grew we knew this wasn’t going to be as effortless as the dream. It takes planning and work and a team of helpers to bring a wedding together.
Most men don’t seem to understand this at all. Crystal’s groom, David, and my husband, Mark, will look at each other and say “I don’t see what they’re so stressed about. I think we’re ready for the wedding tomorrow.” We’ve taken to writing lists of jobs that still need done. It’s not just the wedding we’re getting ready for, but also a big family “reunion” with our familes coming from out of state. It’s guest rooms to get ready. It’s a chance to get all those “honey do” lists done that we’ve been wanting done for ages. And it’s the biggest dinner party I’ve ever thrown.
Yes, I said “I” have ever thrown. I know it’s not MY wedding. It’s my daughter’s wedding. I DO know that. She and I have danced the delicate dance of sharing ideas and visions. I remember wanting to have MY wedding the way I wanted and Crystal deserves the same thing. But we’re getting to the point where she should be able to relax and not worry about all the details. That’s for me to do.
I’ll have my sisters and sister in laws there to support me, and my good friends. Thank goodness for women who understand. Being a Mother isn’t always cool. You’re there to do much of the work, yet many of your ideas are old fashioned and out of date.. just like you. I look at my beautiful daughter, so fresh and young, and wonder where the time went. It’s no wonder Mothers cry at weddings. It’s not just because their little girl is all grown up and leaving home forever. It’s because they’ve turned into the Mother of the Bride. My sister’s friend told her the best advice was to “Wear beige and keep your mouth shut.” I don’t know if I can do that.
I just emailed my daughter the first draft of the engagement announcement and when she called I gave her a mini lecture about thank you letters. Talk about controlling! The wedding hasn’t even happened and I’m bugging her about thank you cards!! All I need is my satin pantsuit and I’ll have turned into the perfect Mother of the Bride.
So if you see me at the wedding, please give me a big hug and tell me I look serene. That’s what I’m going for anyway.
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